Kibakichi 2004

It's hard to imagine that this was made in 2004 because it feels like a 70s flick. I watched it for a while without understanding much, but the opening talks about some kind of demi-gods and a lot of weird stuff happened so I stuck with it. I only figured out that it was a Werewolf movie 50 minutes in. At the end it got pretty good because it a has a Werewolf/Other Weird Creature martial arts standoff, with a guy in a werewolf costume that reminded me of the old Godzilla movies where there's a guy in a Godzilla costume stomping through a 4 foot tall model of Tokyo. And I never figured out the connection between Werewolves and Samurai. I guess not being too into the Samurai genre, I'm a little ignorant about that part. Here's a more informed review that acknowledges how you might be scratching your head if you're me: http://www.kyonsi.com/kibakichi.htm. And while I'm diverting you, you might as well check out this link that came up on Amazon when I was looking for a good image for Kibakichi. http://amazon.com/Zombies-Breast-Implants-interests-part/lm/K9PZHUORNJY8/ref=cm_lmt_srch_f_1_rsrsrs0/103-7020206-3083050

Slither 2007

Speaking of parasites, I just saw Slither. Almost brand new and a lot like Parasite 1982 in some ways. Similar looking parasites, big explosion at the end that kills the parasites. Slither is also a lot like The Faculty in some ways. Slither has a lot to love. Michael Rooker first of all, was really shining (I mean like an actor, not like Dick Halloran). The actors looked like they were having fun. Maybe that's because they're all good actors or it's because they were having fun. I like to think both.
Things I learned on my summer vacation from Slither about alien destruction karma:
1. If the people in your town are looking physically weird or behaving in a contradictory manner (for example, cleft palates and clergy really enjoying a cigarette) you (and they) are probably good candidates for alien invasion.
2. If you don't have sex with your husband, he will go take a walk in the woods where he will be personally invaded by an alien even if he doesn't want that because he's gotta get it from somewhere OK? Furthermore, you are declaring right then and there you will ultimately be with the other guy who's been carrying a torch since you were kids. Because not having sex on that one night does imply that entire choice.
3. Even an alien cannot resist the ideal American woman, who looks like Barbie, dresses like a suburban lady but still sexy, truly loves her husband and is in fact actually a good person (see fabulous Elizabeth Banks above).
4. Said alien does not count on above true love, and that will totally f*** him up such that you can get the chance to blow him up.
5. You do not need to be a big fancy scientist to figure out that you can just blow up an alien. Sure given more recent films one might say that it could create more spawn but sometimes you still these days can just blow them up so you might as well try that first when the chips are down.
6. Southern accents can be very sexy.

Parasite 1982

Speaking of Demi Moore, I just caught Parasite (1982). The new DVDs plug it as her first starring role, and she does look very St. Elmo's Fire in it. This movie has some extraordinary depth of field in places, and that made sense once I saw that it was originally released in 3D. It also is low budget and often crappy, but I couldn't tear myself away, even before Demi got into the action. The ADR was really bad in the beginning so I thought it might be a spaghetti horror film. I'm still not sure, something funky was going on there.

 
Demi, then and now.

Gargoyles 2007 Made For Cable

OK, I watched another Sci-Fi channel original, and I swear it's going to be the last one. They don't call it The Most Dangerous Night On Television for nothing. To give it a fair shake, let me start by telling you the premise. WWII Nazis bring gargoyles to life who then attack American planes. I thought they did a nice job making it look like a WWII film. The actors were good. The special effects were OK except in a couple of scenes they didn't so much pull it off.
A long time ago I resolved not to watch cable movies with commercials, and especially not if they've been "edited for length and content." I also don't like movies that are rated PG, or unrated because they are basically G. I think I need to get back to those resolutions. I have premium channels, and that's why I pay the big bucks. So I'm done. If the movie doesn't start with at least 6 warnings for Adult Content, Nudity, Violence, etc., etc., etc. I'm not wasting my time anymore. It's not like you would need to read this review to know you didn't want to see "Gargoyles" if you share the sensibilities I mention. You'd already know because it has commercials and big animated logos on the bottom right and no decent rating to speak of. Out.

Silent Hill 2006

Outstanding. How did this happen? With Radha Mitchell, Sean Bean, Alice Krige (Sleepwalkers), Deborah Unger, Lauren Holly-alike Laurie Holden and Gorgeous-little-girl-who-can-also-be-creepy Jodelle Ferland. Great cast. Feels A-List. So that's exciting.
Director: Christophe Gans. Never heard of him. But it looks like an earlier flick of his, -Pacte des loups, Le (2001) ... aka Brotherhood of the Wolf (Canada: English title) (USA)- did well at film festivals so I expect I'll be checking that out as long as it is shown on cable that is.
Writer: Roger Avery. Smokin. Wrote on Reservoir Dogs, True Romance, Pulp Fiction, directed Killing Zoe.
Cinematographer: Dan Laustsen (Darkness Falls). That makes sense.

Things I love about this movie:
It looks incredible.
It actually creeped me out and I had to turn it off. That never happens.
The cable description called it "spooky."
The best zombie nurse from hell scene in my movie watching career.
Steps forward a little in the sense that it evokes some of the character looks and moves (an example might be the stilted movements of dead girls with long black hair) from other films but doesn't look exactly the same, different enough to feel like homage rather than reproduction.
This movie is based on a video game and it kept my interest for the most part.

Run don't walk.

Close Your Eyes 2002

This is some kind of British coproduction thing with Goran Visnjic who is or was apparently a big hottie on ER. This movie is pretty run of the mill crime thriller type stuff, with the exception of two scenes. One is the opening scene where he is hypnotizing a woman to stop her from smoking. Because he is a psychologist who treats people for smoking and who is also psychic. Anyway they do a nice job I think of showing her in her hypnotic state (I mean showing her interior state). And they have another scene I think is nice where they do the same with a little girl who has been abducted and tortured.
So you can pretty much watch those two scenes and that's probably enough.

Basilisk:The Serpent King 2006 Made For Cable

If you have Comcast like I now do, the user interface for recording genre films (or I guess really any films) sucks compared to DirectTV (put another way Tivo). So basically you go to the horror section and then you have to record stuff by date. Like it shows you the two horror films that are on today, you press the right arrow on the remote, it shows you the two horror films that are on tomorrow (one of which is the same as today) and so on.

I say this because as a result I record everything questionable or not in case it might be good, or in case I run out of steam after pressing the right arrow 6 times.

As a result of recording everything, I have been getting a lot of Sci-Fi Channel originals, which look like All My Children meets Lisa Bright and Dark meets Clash of the Titans. Mostly they suck. Well pretty much as a rule.

Of the recent Minotaur, Basilisk and one about an undersea creature who's name I can't even remember but had bad special effects in the first minute that made me just delete it immediately, I vote for Basilisk, mainly because it had Yancy Butler in it, the chick from Hard Target who is pretty much the same in this but older and not trying to be as nice. She was doing some Van Dammage.

I will give to Minotaur that it had Rutger Hauer in the first half (and that is actually just sad) and the cast were all really extremely good looking. But it was like All My Children as a period piece so that's bad. The special effects of the Minotaur itself were OK. So I would say fast forward until the end. You can pretty much ff through Basilisk too. And just delete the sea monster one, or don't record it in the first place.

If I see another Sci-Fi original that is good I'll let you know. But don't hold your breath.

Horror on Cable

OK, I'm gonna talk about horror on cable. Because that's always been a good source of horror films and continues to be, and because I watch a lot of them. Except for the glut being produced on the Sci-Fi Channel, which will be the subject of my next post just so we can get it out of the way.